It's been ages since I have updated my journal. I don't know why, I haven't done so, I guess part of it has to do with not wanting to deal with the issues and emotions that I have experienced the last couple of months. ( Long Release of Emotions and Events )

So lately I have been feeling restless with my transition. I certainly wouldn't say I'm depressed, but I am really irritated that it has progressed any further, but more on that later. Today I ran across a website that does a facial recognition and compares your face to celebrities. So I ran it and the two top matches were Serena Williams and Eva Mendes. That was the greatest thing I have heard in a long while regarding my transgenderism. I dunno how legitimate their system is, but it is supposed to help with tracing genealogy and finding relatives.

Here is the stie, try it for yourself.

http://www.myheritage.com/FP/Company/tryFaceRecognition.php

As I was saying earlier, i am really beginning to get frustrated with the progress of my transition. I've been wanting to go full time for the last 2 months or so. At first I was just going to say fuck it and just buy a few outfits and do it. But now I realize that there are other things that I need to do. I really, really need to have laser hair removal. I can't shave against the grain at all it, tears the hell out of my face. I'd also like to buy a human hair wig, because it's literally going to take 2 years to grow my hair out to a decent length.

Lately when we go out i've been getting more parnoid about passing, which is weird because it didn't bother me as much a few months ago. I'm also getting into this weird state, where I seem more feminine when dressed as a guy and more masculine when I'm a girl. I really have to watch myself, since I still have to dress as a guy. I have to stop myself from using certain gestures and keeping my voice from moving into other ranges. I have always occasionally been maamed, even before I started transitioning. Now it seems that when I'm out en femme, I get sirred more often than I'd like. I dunno, maybe some of it is just paranoia. I just, really need to go full time and get this shit over with, I think much of my issues would fade away.

Christie